It Doesn’t Mean You Have To Leave
A woman called me not long ago.
She was desperate.
Her voice cracked with urgency,
shaky with hope,
trying to hold together
what was already slipping through her hands.
After hearing my story,
she reached out—
asking if I had the answer,
some way to fix her daughter.
Her daughter was spiraling.
A court date loomed.
A restraining order had been filed—
by their own family.
Now, her daughter would stand before a judge.
And this mother—
this woman—
was reaching for anything,
any way to intervene,
to stop the unraveling
before it became permanent.
I listened.
Then I shared what I could—
not as a doctor,
not as a therapist,
but as someone
who knows what it’s like
to live with bipolar disorder.
From the way she spoke,
I recognized the signs.
I gently suggested hospitalization—
not as punishment,
but as a step toward recognition.
A way to validate the chaos,
to name it not as defiance,
but as a cry for help
from a mind left untreated.
Still,
she kept asking:
“But what can I do?”
“What did you do to get here—stable, thriving?”
And through her pleading,
what I heard was this:
“I need a quick fix. Can you help me now?”
And my heart broke—
not just for the daughter,
but for the woman
trying to rescue her
with hands full of panic
and love that had nowhere to go.
One of the hardest parts of loving someone with bipolar disorder
is standing on the outside—
watching them suffer,
unable to pull them back.
You want to help.
You want to fix it.
You want to save them.
But here’s the truth:
You both have work to do.
And it’s not the same.
The person with bipolar disorder
must first see themselves—
acknowledge the illness,
accept it.
No one else can do that part.
It’s a lonely, aching kind of reckoning.
An internal walk
only they can make.
And you—
the one who loves them—
your work
is just as difficult.
You have to let them go.
Trying to force help
before they’re ready
doesn’t save them.
It builds walls.
It pushes them further.
It delays their healing.
They will fight you—
not because they don’t love you,
but because they’re not ready.
And you have to ask yourself—
“Am I doing this for them?
Or for me?”
Are you more focused on
what you want
than on what they truly need?
You’ll say,
“But it’s my child…
it’s my friend.
If I love them,
shouldn’t I always be there?”
Yes—
when they want it.
When they’re ready to receive it.
Otherwise,
it’s like trying to hold water
cupped in your palms.
No matter how tightly you grip,
it slips through.
And when it’s gone—
you’re left with nothing to refill.
I’m not judging.
I’ve never stood
on the outside of this disorder,
watching someone I love
fall apart.
I’ve never had to love someone
so fiercely
that letting them go
felt like the only way
to save them.
But I have stood
on the inside of it.
And I’m telling you—
Until I was left
to walk that road alone,
until I wanted help,
until I was ready
to hear truth
and receive it—
I couldn’t.
Even the suggestion
felt like a threat.
A trigger.
A reason to run further.
Sometimes,
the most painful thing you’ll ever do
is wait.
But sometimes,
waiting
is the most loving thing.
The hardest thing my mother ever did
was let me go.
But it was also
one of the best things
she ever did for me.
At the time,
I didn’t understand.
I was angry.
I felt abandoned.
But later,
that anger softened.
Turned into gratitude.
And that gratitude—
became peace.
Holding on isn’t always love.
Sometimes,
the most loving thing
you can do
is let go.
What my mom gave me
wasn’t abandonment.
It was space.
It was trust.
It was a gift.
She let me find my way back.
And in doing so—
she helped save my life.
🧠 Bipolar-Specific Education & Tools
- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)
🌐 dbsalliance.org
Offers peer-led support groups (in-person & online), educational webinars, wellness tools, and symptom trackers. - International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF)
🌐 ibpf.org
Provides articles, videos, toolkits, and global resources. Great for both people with bipolar and caregivers. - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
🌐 nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder
Offers medically reviewed research, treatment options, and signs/symptoms of both depressive and manic episodes.
J.N. Rose 